B!TCH SAY WHAT?!: Man’s ‘Package’ Scares Airport Staff

A man reported to have the world’s largest penis has sparked an airport security scare after staff believed he may have been smuggling a ‘suspicious package’ in his pants.

Jonah Falcon, 41, was investigated by the Transport Security Administration (TSA) at San Francisco International Airport after officials falsely suspected his Herculean member to be a weapon.

New York resident Jonah received a thorough pat down search from staff, was taken through a metal detectorand X-ray scanner and even had powder sprinkled on his trousers to apparently check for explosives.

Jonah told the Huffington Post: “I had my stuff strapped to the left. I wasn’t erect at the time.”

One of the guards asked if Jonah’s pockets were empty, eyeing his bulging man-zone. “I said, ‘Yes, it’s my dick’,” Jonah explained.

The New Yorker revealed that staff made sure he carried no destructive capability in his underwear.

Jonah said: “He gave me a pat down but made sure to go around [my penis] with his hands. Another guard stopped me and asked me if I had some sort of growth.”

He added: “They even put some powder on my pants, probably a test for explosives. I found it amusing.”

Officials eventually realised that Jonah’s monstrous manhood posed no threat to the airport, although with his anomalous anatomy measuring nine inches flaccid and 13.5 inches at ‘full strength’ some might argue hedoes possess a weapon capable of doing serious damage.

Macca Sherifi, spokesperson for, said: “Backpackers are used to delays at airports, although they’ve probably never heard of a hold-up over the size of another traveller’s package.”

He added: “In a way, being delayed over the size of your member is a good problem to have. Regrettably, it’s never happened to me.”

Jonah Falcon is an actor who has appeared in Melrose PlaceLaw & Order and Sex and the City. But he is best known for his giant penis, which ‘rose’ to prominence in the 1999 HBO documentary Private Dicks: Men Exposed, and also featured in the UK Channel 4 programme The World’s Largest Penis.

Following his appearance on the HBO ‘cockumentary’ Jonah achieved minor celebrity status in the US. Despite multiple offers, he has decided to pursue a serious acting career rather than brandishing his colossal phallus in porn films.

Jonah also presents a phone-in TV baseball programme, meaning his professional profile is part-actor, part-talk show host and part-penis.

Guinness World Records does not include a category for gargantuan genitalia, so Jonah’s title of having the ‘world’s largest penis’ is technically an unofficial label.

Were airport security officials overzealous in their ‘handling’ of Jonah’s implausibly-sized penis? Is his extraordinary package a gift or a curse?




  1. Ha I go through this every day.

  2. This story is kind of funny lol

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